the married man issue

I used to have this problem with (attractive) married men:

"oh my Mr. Married Man are you taken? why can't you be back in the dating pool and hitting on me? why oh why?"

I would usually think this to myself whenever I was someplace in large amounts of C$-attractive men (i.e. sporting events, concerts, dive bars, the military base near my hometown), but would get over it once I left the establishment or ran into someone single and attractive. But it always ended that way. He was married and off-limits, I was not his wife and therefore unable to interact with him with the intention of flirting.

However, married men seem to keep popping up my life either directly or indirectly though my friends. Three very specific examples come to mind. The first two have been ongoing and are older (5-7 months) and the third very recent, as in this past weekend.

(names, situations and occupations have been changed to protect the (not so) innocent married men)

Situation A:
Clique member Jane was out with a friend, Jill, one night after a high profile concert. They happen to be drinking where the staff/band members go after every concert. Jane & Jill are having fun, two single girls at a mostly male attended bar. Half way through the night Jane and youngish man start to make eyes at one another from across the bar. He appears to be with the band (management and not an actual band member) and is surrounded by his friends. They continue to eye flirt over their drinks and from across the bar the entire night. Just as Jane & Jill are about to head out, Jane approaches the youngish man and says something along the lines of "You've been looking at me all night but haven't made your move, and now....I'm leaving."

Long story short, he convinces her to stick around and have another drink. His name is Jack and he works for the club and not the band specifically. He loves the band (and music genre in general) she loves it too. He knows a lot of people in the music world and has done a lot of promoting of bands that Jane knows of—it’s basically a match made in heaven.

Jane decides it’s about time to head off when Jack asks her if he can give her a ride home. At first she hesitates, but after some (drunk) thinking, agrees. They have a pleasant conversation on the way back to her place, exchange business cards and a cheek kiss is exchanged at some point.

The next morning Jane emails Jack thanking him for the ride and to continue their music conversation, she has just so much to say to him, but wants to appear cute. His (prompt) reply goes something along these lines:

Dear Jane,

You are very welcome for the ride home last night.

I believe that I may have misrepresented myself last night: I am married with a house and a dog and the whole thing.

I apologize for misleading you.

Jack

Since that email, Jack & Jane have continued to email each other, all very lightheartedly, mostly sticking to music. They have even seen each other out and about on the town and said hi. He has even gotten her prime seats for some concerts that have come to town. Basically they have become email buddies and talk almost every day, sometimes upwards of 7-10 emails a day.

Situation B

Clique member Sally works a firm with a large male population, most of which are unappealing, but has come across one (sort of) coworker, Fred, that is very attractive to her.

They instantly start flirting and seem to hit it off right away. They talk/email frequently but it usually work related. The rumor is that he likes her, but does not want to start something while at the firm, but will be transferring soon.

They meet a couple of times with a third person, for lunch and for drinks. She finds out that he is actually married, but the wife lives in Hawaii and they are married for tax reasons only. They both date other people and are only in contact once or so a month, but he does not want a divorce now and will only consider it once he leaves the firm entirely.

Situation C

The entire Clique is out on the town (Sally, Jane, Hannah and Ruth) having a ball this past weekend at a local dive bar. The entire night passes with very limited contact with the opposite sex (an entire group of young men stood just feet away and made not attempt to even catch any Clique member’s eye). As the bar is closing an attractive man walks by the Clique and Sally grabs him for a conversation. Turns out, both parties run in the same circle and know the same people from back in the day at University. Cell phones are taken out and mutual friends are called at 2 a.m. Bob heads back downstairs to meet his friends and the Clique gets ready to leave for the night.

Somehow Bob and his friends end up outside around the same time that the Clique does and more conversation ensues. Bob tells the group that he just bought a house and is having a house warming party next week and that we all should come, it’ll be fun. He gives his number to Sally, “she’s the one in charge of calling” he says. Hannah invites everyone back to her place for an after hours party, “why not! It’ll be fun!” Bob says “YEAH!” and convinces his other buddies to tag along. Eight people pile into a mini-van and head off to Hannah’s pad for some fun.

After raiding all of Hannah’s cabinets Bob passes out on her bed. The gang all comes into her room to keep him awake and he flirts with all of the girls. Bob’s phone rings and Sally asks sarcastically “Is that your wife?” Bob shakes his head no. (Bob is wearing a ring on his ring finger.) At some point, Bob and Sally are alone for roughly 5-7 minutes while the rest of the group is eating whatever they can find in the living room/kitchen.

Thirty or so minutes, Bob decides it’s time to leave. Everyone is sad, but he’s not feeling so good and probably should get home. On the way out Bob mentions his myspace.com account and his love for it. When leaving Bob bids all a good night with kisses (lip not just cheek).

The next morning the girls talk about their night, what fun, what craziness. Sally claims that she and Bob killed 4 times, “not make out kiss, more like serious pecks.” Hannah logs on to her myspace.com account to try and find Bob. He’s got some friends she might like to meet and wants to learn all about him and his friends. She scrolls down to check out his “companies” when she sees under “Status: Married” His wife is on his top 8 and a majority of his photos have her in them with captions of “my sweetie,” “my girl.” They’ve been married for almost a year. The house he has just bought is for he and his wife and not just for the raging parties he talked about.

____
A wedding ring used to be a clear indication of ‘taken status’ but that is no longer the case in all circumstances. Married men going home with 23 year olds, not usually normal, but happening. Email buddies with a single girl that obviously into you.

Now instead of just having to compete with other females that are on the prowl, we have to deal with wives at home—it’s just not fair.

Men, what’s the deal?